Friday, October 23, 2009

Premarital counseling?

Our church requires us to have premarital counseling before were allowed to get married there. Because Jon is in North Carolina and I am in Vermont we can't exactly do that. SOOOO instead we were both sent a book to read. It's called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I'll admit, I was nervous. I didn't know what book was coming my way. Luckily I found the book incredibly good and so did Jon.

By love languages he means the way we express that we love our significant other and how we feel loved. Everyone is at least one of the five. They are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Jon and I knew right off the bat that he was physical touch. Most guys are. He can't go five minutes without holding my hand to having his arm around me. Which I don't mind at all considering one of my 3, yes 3, is physical touch as well.

As I was reading I couldn't figure out which one I was. When I took the assessment in the back I 3 way tied with words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch. One is supposed to dominate over the other but I can't see myself feeling completely loved without any one of them. Luckily physical touch and words of affirmation involve quality time so its a win win, win.

Before reading this book I never thought about arguing or fighting like this. The reason most people argue in a marriage is because they are not speaking the other ones love language. It might sound like a bunch of hoo ha but really its incredible. If your husband or wife feels loved when you tell them how much you love them or how great she is, if you stop doing that then they wont feel loved. If they he feels loved when you put your hand on his shoulder when you walk by or run up and hug him when he gets home, and you stop doing that, then he wont feel loved. If a person doesn't feel loved then they start to pull away. Hence, a lot of cheating and fighting in marriages.

He also says that the "in love" feeling wears off. Once it does love becomes your choice which makes it even better. When you are choosing to love someone it's more intense and heartfelt then if you just feel connected for a while. Jon and I still believe we're soul mates but we also chose to love one another. We've already made it past the "in love" phase and have moved on to the incredible love we have today because since he joined the marines we had to chose to love one another. I never thought about it that way but I love thinking that he chose me<3

I don't know if I explained it as well as he did but really it's an eye opening book. Both Jon and I enjoyed reading it and figuring out what made us feel loved so that we could stay in this love forever. Lucky for us we already do everything that makes us feel loved. For the future in case we forget though it will always be in the back of our minds.

I recommend reading it, even if there isn't trouble in paradise. It will most likely prevent it.
Happy readings!

Semper Fi<3

1 comment:

  1. It sounds like you guys both got a lot out of the book. And it sounds like an interesting way to look at how us human beings interpret love through those 5 "languages" I'm so glad that you and Jon both read it. I still pray for you guys all the time because I know how much you love each other!


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