Small town, small people.

First of all let me make it very clear that I love my family and being around them, especially during this deployment and with baby girl. With that said here comes the rest of this post.

I HATE IT HERE!

I live in a super small town where you can leave for years at a time and once you come home everything and everyone is exactly the same. I don't know how I forgot this fact, or maybe I just convinced myself that people would actually grow up and better themselves. Well they didn't.

I have only seen 3 of my friends from before I moved since I've been here. I swear it was like stepping back in time. They are still in the same stages of life that they were when I left. That's not a problem though. People progress at different stages I suppose.

The problem is all of the small town drama around here. It's like I come home and instead of going to college I went to middle school or high school.

I mean seriously, I should not be this nervous to go out in public and run into someone I graduated with or anyone for that matter. People know me even if I don't know them. Heaven forbid I go out to the post office quick in my sweat pants and a pony tail and someone sees me. Then within an hour everyone thinks I'm depressed and helpless because my husband is deployed. Give me a friggin break. I have a baby who doesn't let me sleep at night let alone give me the time to look pretty to go to the darn post office.

The one thing I was really looking forward to having while I was home was a complete disconnect from anything military. I don't like seeing the big billboards down by base that say welcome home or all of the signs either. It's a depressing thing when you know you still have a good year before your husband is coming home.

Unfortunately I can come all the way back to this tiny little town in NY and still run into not just military insignia, but actual marines and marine reminders. I don't mind running into marines. It's kind of sweet since the one I did see was clearly straight out of boot camp. It kind of made me giggle because he looked so excited and proud with his eagle globe and anchor sweat shirt. I just don't want to be in a sad mood and then see military couples together. Makes me want to throw up just thinking about it.

I know, I'm a debby downer. I have permission, from myself.

Anyways, rolling back in to make my point, it sucks that I can't even come home to a town that has no idea what it's like to be in our position and still get crap for it. It's one thing when you are surrounded my marine wives, you are guaranteed to get judged on your progress throughout this deployment as well as advice whether you want it or not. But being home where people don't even know the difference between the army and the marine corps? Who would have thought.

I have seriously been told that people think I just put on a happy face while I'm in public but that I really bawl my eyes out constantly while at home. Yes ignorant people of Fonda. I keep a smile on to please you and then I come home and immediately start crying and don't stop for, oh let's say 6 or 7 hours. I'm just so depressed, wah.

Give me a break. I get to talk to my husband at least once a day on the phone and lately it's been multiple times on the internet as well. He has a desk job he's not infantry. If you are going to tell people how I'm feeling and acting at least give me some damn credit and don't make me sound like I'm a wife of a WWII marine.

Ah. I feel better. I love this blog. It's like my fingers are magical stress relievers.