Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Update. These hormones are killing me. All I have to do is think about my husband leaving in a couple days and I ball my eyes out for a straight hour. It doesn't help that His things are packed right next to the bed so I'm constantly reminded of it. I have been dealing with this all so well until baby girl was born. I can't help but wonder if these hormones are making me a wreck or it I've finally just lost control and let it all spill out.

I'm completely terrified. How is someone, anyone, supposed to go an entire year without their husband? Especially with a new baby. I'm thankful that I made the decision to move home so I can be around our families and have support but I still can't help feeling completely alone right now.

He was asked yesterday if he wanted to only go for 6 months. For a second my heart literally stopped beating until he told me he said no. At first I wanted to smack him but then he explained that if he only went 6 months there would be a really good chance he would be sent again next year. That means we'd have to go through all the training and late nights and pre deployment hoo ha again plus another 6 month absence. So I guess I'm glad he said no but I'm still not looking forward to this year.

It seriously makes me sick to think about sending him away for a year. I'm thankful that he didn't miss Abigail's birth and he has had at least a week with her but it makes me so sad to think about him being gone for a year of our lives.

I think this is the weakest I have ever let any of you know I am. But that's where I stand.

Terrified, slightly depressed, and really needing my husband to stay home instead.

And yes, I'm still crying.  


  1. Awww don't worry hun, you'll see that this year is going to pass right by plus you will have baby girl to keep your time occupied.

  2. I know its SUPER hard. But I promise, someway, somehow you will make it through this. Just don't be afraid to lean on people if you need to!!

  3. Aww girl... You are in my prayers stay strong you will get through this I don't know what your going through completely with the whole new mama thing but I understand being away from your man for a long time. :( it sucks but thank God for family and friends. I'm a listening ear if you ever need to vent..
    Sending lots of love,
    Semper Fi, Amber joy

  4. From what everyone I have ever talked has said and my experience right before deployment and the week after is the worse. After that you get into a routine and it goes so much faster than you expect. Big hugs!! I hope you feel better soon!!

  5. I did this too. I had a breakdown daily until he left. We spent 15 months apart and it sucked. But somehow you just do it. Before you know it a month has passed and even though it feels like it drags on forever, sometimes it flies too. I wish I'd had a good family support system when my hubs was gone. It'd have made a big difference. Wishing you 3 all the best. You can do this, you're stronger than you'd ever believe!

  6. I can't tell you every day will be fine because we both know deployments don't work that way.

    But I can tell you that you will get through it, and even though you'll have weak days, you will be amazed at the strength you have at the end of it all.

    And even though being a "single mom" for a while isn't what any girl wants, you'll have a piece of him there with you every second. And she's gorgeous.

    Praying for you.

  7. *Hug*

    Deployments suck. You are such a strong, wonderful woman. You can do it. And that beautiful baby girl of yours will help you so so much.

    If you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask! I am glad you will have your families around too. It will help tremendously.

    Sending prayers and good thoughts for the three of you.

  8. Thank you all so much. My husband told me tonight that he knows I can get through this and I didn't know it but that was exactly what I needed to hear. I still cry but I feel a lot stronger now.

    I love all of the support you girls give me. You're wonderful<3


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