Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The apology

Here is Brie's apology. I have to say I am not impressed but I just want to make sure people who read my blog and had read her post get to read her apology.

"I've come to some conclusions, and I'm going to share them with you tactfully, something that unfortunately I have found many of our commenters lack... but that is neither here nor there. I have an apology to make, regardless, and I will get to that.

But first... I want to simply remind everyone the purpose of this blog: Support.

Support, and sharing the love of blogging between USMC Wives. Sometimes we will disagree, and when we do so, we need to understand that we all go through hard times, we all need to vent things off of our chest, and sometimes we will say things we do not mean or that came out the wrong way in typing things up in the heat of the moment.

I wrote what I did because my husband is being deployed and the details of it are frustrating the hell out of me. Long story short: I'm upset because (A) the details are so shady and (B) I can't talk to anyone --- ANYONE --- about any of it. Why? Because of OPSEC.

So naturally, in my frustrations, I may express negative feelings about OPSEC, and the guidelines that -I feel- are hindering my ability to vent... something that has been my way of dealing with things for, well, all my life. When people do that, express negative feelings in their heated moments, they may say things that to others seem extreme, but in reality they are just blowing steam.

Was it selfish? Yes.
Because I have my -own- blog to blow steam at. And for something that clearly was an open wound for many of you, and a topic that was able to be made so personal, I should have written my feelings there instead.

I apologize for the strong exaggerations I used, if they made any of you feel that I am a security risk or a threat to your husbands. I love the friends I have made, this lifestyle (90% of the time), and this community of strong women that I have come into. I would never DREAM of endangering your hubbies.

Like I said, I was blowing steam.

Yesterday, I was not a strong woman. Yesterday, I was weak. I don't think those of you who told me to "grow up" or called me names were justified, because it wasn't about growing up: It was about feeling vulnerable and faced with our first deployment. But--- I understand why you got very passionately angry at me... I just wish you would have gone about expressing your feelings a different way.

Because in my moment of weakness, I was hoping for those strong women who surround me to life me up, not tear me down. Which is where the part about this site being centered around support comes into play.

I want you to know that before that post, never have I been PROUDER to be the wife of a Marine, or a milspouse. Never have I fit into such a loving supportive... sisterhood, I suppose. They have their brothers. I got a whole set of sisters.

Until today.
I shook, I cried, I even vomited after I read those comments.
I guess, like sisters, we will bicker and disagree at times. But, we're adults, and I am completely shocked at the things military wives would say to another over a difference of opinion.

Did I share details in that post? No. I did not. I expressed frustrations about how I can't... How to get my point across about my feelings I feel stifled due to OPSEC rules.

All I was looking for was just ONE other woman to say "Ya know what? I feel that, too. I understand." To those who voiced your opinion intelligently, without insult, and with tact, I thank you... even if your opinion or feelings are opposite of mine. I am proud to be among the ranks of you for being able to do so.

Whether you did so with tact, or without, I am sorry to have upset you so severely by wording things in such... a careless way.

I love you all, hateful comments aside.

I'm not only "semper fi" to my love, but to you... OPSEC, or no OPSEC, I feel a loyalty to you and wouldn't dream of endangering your Marines. My comments and remarks were... thoughtless.

And I am sorry.

Always faithful, always supportive,

So there it is. Personally it seems more like a defense than an apology. She still doesn't understand why everyone was so angry with her but at this point I feel like it would be beating a dead horse. I appreciate the attempt at an apology. 

My biggest problem with this apology is that the entire time she is telling the people who commented what they were thinking and why they said what they said. Really? Just apologize and own up. And then for her to say that she was just looking for support and for one person to agree with her? NOONE is going to agree that OPSEC shouldn't be obeyed. I just want to make it clear that with OPSEC you really just can't display dates, times, places, anything pertinent like that about our military deploying, returning home or moving over seas. Just use your common sense. There should be no problem with being able to get things off of your chest on your blog or to a friend otherwise. First of all this is the marine corps, dates and times are never correct the first time and area always changing. If you let it get to you you will just lose your mind. 

If you want support with something like this then take a second to breath and write it appropriately. Don't use phrases that you know will be controversial. Just simply ask if OPSEC stresses anyone else out and if anyone can help you understand it a little better. DO NOT go throwing things out there like you don't care if the bad guys read your blog and you're prepared to take the responsibility for it.  That obviously will make you a lot of enemies very fast. 

At the same time I would like to say that if you come across anything like this that really gets your blood boiling to please take a breath and think about your response first as well. I didn't comment on her post because a lot of girls already were attacking her. I decided to post it on my blog so that others could read her post and get my opinion on it. I just want people to understand that attacking someone isn't going to get you very far. I was rude in my post and I should have taken another second to breath before I wrote anything out. At the same time I stand by what I said because I feel like it was appropriately written. That is the point I am trying to make. If you are going to comment on something, anything that makes you upset, make sure that whatever you say you wont regret in the morning. Don't write for revenge write for knowledge. You should be informing the person of your opinion not throwing it in their face. 

So anyways I just wanted you to be able to read her apology if you would not otherwise be able to. I forgive her because it would do more damage to myself if I didn't and she actually enlightened me. I now realize that one person can ruin things for a whole lot of people. I am going to see what I can do to make sure that OPSEC is enforced and that military wives and girlfriends are informed. I know a big problem is that a lot of girlfriends and wives are left in the dark about a lot of things dealing with the military so the best way to help them is to inform them. Hopefully some progress can get made and people's minds can be at ease about the safety of their loved ones over seas. 

Thank you for your time reading. You are all wonderful. 

I Love You Mr. Sykes<3
You Too Little Sykes<3

Semper Fi<3


  1. Well said; I was not impressed with her apology either. It's too bad she had to ruin the blog because it really was a good idea and could have been a great support system! I am glad I found yours and other MilSpouse blogs because of it though. Have a great day :)

  2. Wait, what happened??? What did I miss?

  3. I agree with Audrey, very well said. And, you're right, a lot of people probably should have thought more about what they said as a response, myself included. And again, you're right as well when you say a lot of girlfriends and wives really aren't that informed about OPSEC, and sometimes the most that can be done is just informing them. Loved the post, thanks. :)

  4. Thanks for posting this! I love what you said about how she could have phrased her feelings differently, asking if anyone else is frustrated by this. Thats actually the exact meaning I took from her post, though I absolutley understood the level of anger from the commenters.....

    I just didnt get the MEANNESS, the name-calling, etc. especially when we all need to support and educate one another as milspouses.

    Do you remember the last time someone tried to educate you by screaming and yelling at you? How much can anyone really learn from that?

    Ha ha ha I guess its just the preschool teacher in me that went, 'there has to be a better way to reach & teach young wives'

  5. Exactly. The name calling an screaming is unnecessary. Everyone needs to take a breath before they react.

  6. I definitely was not impressed with her apology either. I felt like she was fighting to defend herself than apologize for her wrongdoing.

    I also think it is very important to let your frustration run before you reply to something like that. I actually read it when there were NO comments. Later on, I went back and replied, several hours later. I told her my husband's view on the situation and put her statement.

    I think she needs a better support group. She needs some help and encouragement. She is obviously new to all of this, so I hope someone around her will take the time to put that aside and get to know her and help her out. I hope she has learned from this and will mature so she will survive the deployment and the life of a milspouse.

    By the way, I'm your newest follower. Randomly found you through google.

    Check me out if you are interested. I am an USAF wife :)

  7. Thank you! You took the words right out of my mouth.
    I definitely get the vibe of a defense more than anything.

    Being a Marine wife, sister, grand daughter, and friend what she said hit a sensitive nerve.

    If any of my loved ones got hurt due to someone carelessness[especially the carelessness of a spouse, who should know better], not amount of apology will fix that =[

    Sometimes people need to step back, breath, and think of others - rather then themselves.

  8. Oh, hey! You have an award to get on my blog if you'd like it. :) It's from my post "My First Award". I love your blog, and here's something to show it!

  9. I totally agree with you. She was WAY out of line saying those things...but I think that people REACTED to her post rather than responding. I don't think she learned her lesson, but you can bet that a lot of people are going to be watching her now - waiting for her to slip up again.

  10. I agree with you. I wanted to type a very angry comment to her, but realized that it wouldn't do a bit of good but make me sound just as bad as she is. What's sad is she is probably done with blogland forever-- she shut down her personal site, didn't she? Her blog was her way to vent and now she's ruined it for herself forever.

    And about her wanting ONE person to give her support: first off, how can you expect a fellow mil-spouse to tell you they understand when you just blatently stated that you could care less if their husband got killed by a terrorist because of something you shared?

    Second, I believe there is a time to receive tender care and someone to pat you on the hand and say "everything will be okay, honey!," and then there's another time when you need an older spouse to say, "Honey, you need to grow a pair and get over it."

  11. I commented on this...guess it didn't get approved?

  12. I don't think I got a comment from you. Did you exit before typing int he letter thingy? I always do that then my comments don't post. What did you comment before?


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