Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I need some input/advice

We all know the hardest part of this life is saying goodbye to our men. I have said goodbye for 3 months to my husband while he went to boot camp. Nothing but letters an a 30 second phone call for 3 months. Then I had to say goodbye for 5 months while I went back to college and he went to school in NC. We haven't gone through a deployment yet. Unfortunately I fear it's coming at the beginning of next year. The scary thing is that our due date is the end of February as of right now. I think it will end up being some time in March. Either my husband will be leaving in January or March. The January deployment is gone for about 6 months. The March deployment is gone for a year. So, either he misses the birth or the whole first year of our baby's life.

I am so confused and upset about this. I know I don't have a choice in any of it. Not that it would help because I don't know which I would chose. I know he wants to deploy. I don't want him to at all especially with a baby on the way. I don't know what to do :-(



  1. Well that's a tough situation... I have not been through a deployment as a wife yet, certainly not a mother so I don't know how much help I can be. You just need to keep your chin up and stay strong for your little one. This is what makes your hubby happy and what he loves to do. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and smile for them, at least for a little while (he can owe you big time when he gets back). It will all work out and until it does take it one day at a time, your married to a marine, you know your a tough one and you will make it through the mess if that's what you need to do.

  2. Honestly, none of us grow up dreaming about raising a baby alone but we fell in love with our men and now it is a possibility and a reality for all of us. If it happens, your baby will keep you busy and distract you somewhat from the deployment. my baby is my comfort and joy and reason for getting out of bed on lonely days. If you ever want to email me for advice, I will do my best to help : )

  3. You both are so right. I know when the time comes I will suck it up and stay strong for myself, my husband and our baby. I just hate that I have to feel selfish for wanting him around. I know if I have a choice I want him to be there for the birth but of course I don't have a choice. I feel like he does though and I feel like he wouldn't chose to be home with us. I think that is what really gets me. If they have a choice and chose to deploy it makes it harder to accept.

  4. I dont have any help or advice but I can imagine how you're feeling! I'm sorry girl.

  5. Hey,
    This is a really rough situation, but thats the military life eh? I have been through two deployments one just as a friend to my now husband and one as his significant other (as well as one with my older brother). Deployments are hard and I dont think they ever get eaiser but there are things that can help. Keep busy! (your baby will no doubt help you with this) Find a good friend or support system. Try not to get caught up in dwelling on what might be going on "over there" Set deployment goals to acheive while the hubby is gone.

    As for his choice to deploy. Its hard to swallow that our men would "choose" to deploy. Try and remember though that they are not choosing to be away from us. Being away is just as hard on them, but this is their job. I recently dealt with the same questions. My husband was injured pretty badly on his most recent deployment and yet all he can talk about is healing so he can deploy again next year. I really struggled with this. The way he explained it to me is that its like being a musician or on a sports team. Whats the point in all training and practicing if you never intend to preform? To many its also about an obligation to their men. My husband cant stand that there are men fighting and dying while he is sitting at home. He feels the need to do his part. To him doing his part means fighting and bringing a successful end to this war for all those who didnt make it home. Its almost as if it calls to him. I hope this helps. I know it helps me to remember how he feels and why he does what he does.

  6. I was 11 weeks pregnant with my almost 3 year old when my husband went to Iraq. He missed out on the entire pregnancy. To help me get through that deployment was building a strong network of MIL spouse friends. Honestly, it saved my sanity. He came home 3 weeks after she was born and left again to Afghanistan when she was barely 8 months old.

    I created a scrapbook of important events that took place, and even put her hands in paint. She was the reason I got up in the morning. I filled my days going to the park, pushing the stroller 3 miles a day, and spending time with my fellow MIL spouse friends creating inventive care packages.

    No separation is ever going to be easy, especially when you have a little one. Find ways to keep busy, and spend some time with family back home. Create memories for your husband and send them in care packages. Skype is also a wonderful thing too!

    I hope this helps! :)

  7. We have two young daughters and been through several deployments/separations. Missing the birth sucks. Missing the first year sucks even more. People ask me almost everyday "how do you do it" or "i could never do it" and my only answer is..."I dont have a choice". I love my of course I'll be right here waiting when he returns. The time goes by...youll have your good days and youll have your bad days. But the second you get that first hug....the past months just fade away. :) You can do it!

  8. You are all so right! I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thank you all so much!

  9. I'm 28 weeks pregnant (so 12 weeks to go) and hubby won't be home for another 6 months or so - I dreaded this very situation for SO LONG! When hubby left for his first deployment, I was ready to try for another baby - but by the time he got back, the tiny part of my sanity that survived that deployment told me that I would go stark raving mad if I had to deal with deployment #2 with a newborn depending on me.

    Deployment #2 actually sucked even more than #1 did, so every time we talked about having another baby, I was terrified that as soon as we got pregnant, he would get orders for deployment #3. Finally late last year we decided that we are not getting any younger, and if we want more kids, its kind of 'now-or-never' we started trying, and got pregnant almost right away - the same week that hubby got orders for deployment #3. I was freaked out, but knew that I would step up and DEAL with this, come what may.

    NOW, 2 months into the actual deployment, and 6 months into the pregnancy, I am seriously kicking myself for WAITING all these years to have this baby! The deployment makes the pregnancy go faster, and the pregnancy makes the deployment go faster.

    I won't say its EASY, but it is nowhere near as hard as I had feared. Fear doesn't even begin to cover it - I had myself so worked up with TERROR at what it would be like to go through pregnancy/birth WHILE going through deployment.....and all that worry was for nothing.

    So far, this is my easiest pregnancy AND my easiest deployment to get through.



Thank you for commenting! I love reading your opinions, love, and support. I'm working at getting better at replying to each one of you. If you don't have your email linked to your account feel free to leave it so I can reply. Thanks! :-)