Friday, July 17, 2009

Learning to live again...

When marine's are still in the beginning of their career the girlfriends, fiances, and wives are also still in the beginning. We have to learn to live without them by our side all the time. Girls who have a civilian boyfriend will NOT understand this. They think 2 hours apart is torture. They will never understand what it's like to try and act normal. Yes I said it. Marine girlfriends are not normal. We just get the task of acting like we are. We have to pretend everyday that we aren't breaking down little by little. We can't do spur of the moment activities because "OMG what if I don't have service there!!" Um yea I actually do that. GUILTY! Being pretty new to all of this I am still in the practice of keeping my cell phone glued to me and constantly clicking the button that makes the screen light up so I can see if I have any missed calls or texts. I'm pathetic and damn proud of it!
I'm moving slow but I am learning. Boot camp was difficult but MCT isn't a joy ride either. At least in boot I was positive I was going to get a letter once a week maybe once every 2 weeks. With MCT it's anyones guess as to whether I'll even get anything. BUT MCT is only 4 weeks long so I think over all it's a pretty good deal.
ANYWAYS.... I started writing this blog to tell you about my upcoming adventure and GIANT leap into my slow progression to normalcy. I am leaving Sunday to start college again. I did my associates at my local community college so I wasnt far away and I commuted to school. Now I am going 3 hours north into Burlington Vermont to attend Champlain College. It is only 3 weeks of summer classes but I will be living there and then coming back before I return again in the fall. I am SOOOO FRIGGIN NERVOUS!!!! I don't know if people will understand the marine life. I know a select few will because I know them already thank god. I am most nervous, well actually just uneasy about the fact that I am taking this big step and making this big change without Jonathan here to support me. I would be overjoyed by a simple phone call so that he knows for sure that I am going to be ok. I know that we are supposed to be their support system and Jonathan calls me his rock but still I know it must be killing him too that he can't be there for me. I can write him all the letters I please but because of all the rules he can't do the same for me.
I don't blame him at all. I just really wish he could be here for me and let me know it's all going to be ok. I have gotten so used to doing the same routine for so long that I am scared to change the slightest little thing let alone the entire environment I'll be in. For 5 months I have kept to myself and stayed with the familiar because I feel like I need to ease into this "marine lifestyle" but I think I have just been protecting myself from experienceing everything else out there. I guess what I am really trying to say is.... DAMNIT LET MY FIANCE MAKE A PHONE CALL HOME!!!!

ok well I got that out of my system. I hope that those of us who understand the USMC way of life understand what I'm feeling. I know I'll be ok I just need to make sure Jonathan knows that. The lack of communication is annoying.

Semper Fi<3

1 comment:

  1. Thanks so much for becoming a follower of my blog, I will return the favor! I totally understand where you are right now. I met my boyfriend when he was already stationed at 8th and I in DC... so I never went through the boot camp phase or MCT, but I am a week into my first deployment and I totally understand! My phone never leaves my side and I am constantly checking my email/facebook as that has been our prime way of communicating while he in Iraq. I am terrified once I start work, I will be a Disney Intern as of August 19th, I won't be able to have my phone on me when I am working and I will miss hearing from him! Torturous idea!!

    But I am here if you ever need to vent or just talk to someone in the same place you are. Semper Fi!



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