Monday, September 27, 2010

My weekend.

This weekend was absolutely awful and then really great. I posted a little while ago about how my husband seems incapable of being able to use patience with me and how our communication stinks. Well it finally turned into a huge battle.

It started out with the dress event. I didn't expect to be gone all day. Maybe 2 hours tops but not like 6 hours. That apparently upset my husband in some way so by the time I got home he was in defense/payback mode. I got home around 4 and we barely talked from then until 7 or 8ish when he decided to go to the neighbors for a fire.

Well that annoyed me because he had a fire with them the night before and I didn't attend because the idea of sitting in a lawn chair made me want to cringe. (Pregnancy is doing a number on my ability to be comfortable anywhere). We hadn't seen each other all day and I thought the only reason we weren't talking once I got home was because he was watching football. Apparently I was wrong. But anyways, he went across the street with captain morgan in one hand and beer in the other leaving me livid.

So what did I do? Complained to my mom of course. I should have known when he asked me to buy coke at the grocery store that there was going to be some drinking going on this weekend.

Anyways, into the good stuff. Earlier he had made a comment along the lines of I didn't want to go to the fire because it's a huge headache for me to be social or something like that. That ticked me off because I assumed he should have known it was the fact that I can't sit on a couch and be comfortable there was no way I was going to suffer  for 4 hours outside in a lawn chair. BUT he's a man and doesn't think like we do.

So when he got over there he text me saying there are lots of people here you should come. I said no I'm good. Then I asked him to be quiet when he got home because he slams doors when hes sober and I didn't want to think of how bad he would be trashed. He said ok and was nice about it.

I then asked him if he wouldn't mind trying to sleep in the spare room to see if that made a difference in how I slept at night. That pretty much started it all. He didn't understand that it was because I can't sleep with him in the same bed because of his habits. He took it as the beginning to the end of our marriage.

After that it turned into a huge argument and I could tell with every text that he was getting drunker and drunker. That made me madder and madder. I was telling him what we need to work on and that he is an awful drunk and he told me that I should just leave since I am going to leave him on deployment anyways. STOP RIGHT THERE. That was my last straw. That made me so angry.

He said a lot of things that I knew he was only saying because he was drunk which stinks. It ended with him coming home and slamming all of the doors. I got up out of bed and went into the spare room to yell at him. That led to me grabbing his cell phone and chucking it at the wall and walking out. I then packed my suitcase of clothes and was fully prepared to leave. I should probably add that the things he said that I knew he didn't mean, well actually I was wondering if he really meant it at this point, was telling me to just leave over and over again.

So I was packing and he came in to stop me. I should mention I have never been that angry in my life. I have never thrown anything or raised my hand or anything along those lines. I am still embarrassed about how angry I let myself get the other night.

I ended up collapsing on the bathroom floor balling my eyes out and he came in to held me. I did fight him at first to let me go but I gave in after a while. It all ended with both of us sitting on our bed crying and talking.

He pointed out how this always happens with us. We always get to a point where we can't stand one another anymore and we just lash out. In the past we just left but each time we have been slowly getting stronger through it. I think this was our final realization that something needs to change. We actually talked and discussed what we need to work on to fix this.

We both have a problem with letting each other know when something is bothering us at the time it's bothering us. That is a huge issue we are going to fix now. Another one is him opening up to me a little more. He doesn't show his emotions and it leaves me wondering way too much. Also, his patience. Obviously mine too but I have been using all of my patience that is why I snapped so badly. I had none left.

Our biggest problem is communication. We are aware of it and hopefully going to work on it. We have talked about it before but never really done anything about it but I feel really good about it this time.

Anyways, if you made it all the way through this thank you for reading. I wrote this to hopefully make someone aware of their problems too. We both really hate that we let it escalade to what it became and I hope that before you let it get there you think of this and remember to step back take a breath and just talk!

Talking is so important.

I love my husband with everything I have. He really is an amazing person and an awesome husband. We just have some things to work on.

I Love You Mr. Sykes<3
You too Little Sykes<3

Semper Fi<3


  1. ugh. girl..i'm sorry. sadly, my Friday night was pretty much the exact same scene. UGH

  2. Really? I'm sorry :-( Fighting is a biotchhhh. I hope you guys made up and everything's better now.

  3. I can totally understand. When Ryan and I are good, we're really good. But when we are bad it is BAD. We've done the screaming and saying things we don't mean and one of us then has to up and leave just to get space so we can calm down and breathe.

    Talking is so so important and it something we've been focusing on a lot lately. Good luck and I hope it is all better!

  4. I knew we couldn't have been the only one's that get to extreme like this. It's not like it's anything worth giving up on. It's just frustrating because like you said when were good were so amazing and then we hit these nice little tornadoes and then it feels like we start from scratch again. Oh the joys of marriage :-) haha.

  5. My husband have had that exact same blow out recently with him drinking, me packing, angry text messages and then the discussion after the storm passes. It is one of the major reason's why we are starting couples counseling to learn better communication skills and he can learn to better understand me and have patience while I try to better understand his old fashioned ways.
    I am so sorry you are going through this as well. It really is very hard but in the end when something finally clicks and the work starts to pay off it really is worth it and the feelings of strength and a never had before bond are so amazing! It does take time, we have been working on it for months but we are finally hitting that up point where we can see the differences. The Love Dare actually changed the both of us and we are still using it every day.
    Good luck to you both and hope things are going better :)

  6. That's very inspiring. Thank you for sharing that :-)

  7. Aw, I'm sorry you went through this. But it sounds like a typical newly wed fight. Whoever says they didn't go through things like this in the lying :) Communication is so hard when both people are stubborn (like my husband and me). Eventually you learn to chose your battles and talk it out from the very beginning. We've been married over 6 years and still throw out little tantrums every now and then too. If it makes you mad that he goes to the neighbors to drink, tell him that from the start. There will always be ups and down...but most of the time the extreme bad...can be avoided if it's talked about from the start. Serious props to you for posting this though. I know a lot of girls won't air their dirty laundry afraid of being judged. But like I said...we all know everyone goes through this. Good for you for recognizing that you both need to work on it. Good luck!

    By the way....You can take Unisom while you are pregnant. It's a non habbit forming sleep aid that works WONDERSSSSSSSSSS!

  8. Thank you! I will have to try Unisom because sleeping is a miserable task for me at this point. I really appreciate it thanks!

  9. Just saw that you responded! As you can mama drama. Ah, the fight that NOT ever newlywed couple is going to have.

  10. Oh girl.. We do this too. I've tried talking to my husband but it's like talking to a brick wall...
    I've looked into the 40 day love dare and am considering trying it!

    Good luck, momma! <3


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